I describe myself the way I am not.

I am a walking contradiction. I am a mini-paradox. I'm pretty sure other people are, too, but let's focus on what we can genuinely confirm here. I go through life doing stuff I don't like. I occasionally tell people what they want to hear rather than what I really feel. I sometimes blatantly lie about who and what I am. I wake up each day thinking about how to achieve goals I don't really believe in. I tell myself that I am something I am not. There are parts of me that I suppress, for the sake of myself and others.

The ideal is for me to do what I want, when I like it. This is almost never possible. My actions are governed by social guidelines, my regard and concern for others, my need to present myself in a certain light to people, and their own expectations of who I am (or who I should be). In order to preserve this delicate ecology of My Reputation and How Others Perceive Me, I am forced to speak, think and act in certain ways, ways that I naturally balk at but have to conform to.

Why do I do this? Why do I toil at going against my nature every single day? Why do I expend any effort at all cultivate a not-entirely-true picture of myself?

Realistically, the benefits are manifold. Some aspects of my nature can be classified "detrimental". My inherent sloth, my tendency to procrastinate....these are all properties that are best suppressed, since we all know that no one really changes, and therefore such "qualities" cannot be scoured away from my psyche under most circumstances. Overriding such tendencies provide immediate benefits that may or may not affect society at large. The most important thing here is that, for a while, I do become a better person.

Other benefits become apparent only in the company of others, and then perhaps only in certain situations. These include my habit of speaking plainly and bluntly, as well as my tendency to automatically stereotype a person based on whatever quality I happen to latch on about them, especially if I do not know them very well. Obviously, indulging in my nature in such situations could have disastrous results.

I like to think that we should all be free to just be ourselves. I like to think that this subtle game of charades I(we) play on a daily basis is totally unnecessary. I like to think that most of us are sensible, reasonable and tolerant individuals who understand and accept variety and differences within each person. I like to think that I am all that which I have described previously. But I'm not. I am ruled by emotions. I am a selfish, miserable soul that sometimes fails to rise above my own petty thoughts and inadequacies to think better of others. I am occasionally too lazy to give other the benefit of doubt, because it is so much easier to assume. And if this is how I function...how can I expect others to do otherwise?

It is far easier to pretend to be something that you are not, if only for a little while, than to actually change yourself. We are the generation of materialistic convenience. We want it fast, we want it easy. Apparently, this also applies to our personality matrices.

It is far easier to pretend, than to actually be.