I wish I was cycling instead.

I've not hopped on my creaking mountain bike and pedalled around the neighbourhood in years. I blame this partly on work, but mostly on my own laziness and a shift in priorities. But on slow work days, it seems like a really good idea.

I used to cycle a lot when I was younger, primary school age. I'd grab the bike and carry it down 4 flights of stairs (we used to live in a rundown apartment unit) and cycle all over the place. I'd weave in and out of little lanes and backalleys, ride across fields and even once, rode all over a construction yard. This was illegal of course, but it was after work hours and there was no one to annoy me.

I had a few biking friends, although I can no longer properly recall their names, and I won't embarass myself by trying to get them right here. We'd roam all over our neighbourhood with no real objective, wandering around aimlessly. The fun came from the journey, not the destination. We loved the feel of the wind in our hair, the stupid and pointless conversations, the impromptu races, the personal challenges (like daring one another to climb steps and jump over drains), and the sheer mindlessness of it all. Sometimes we had little accidents, and then the whole thing ended with the bunch of us helping the wounded dude back home, wheeling the bike along while someone else helped propped the poor victim up.

Then there was the urge to modify your bike. Now that I think about it, it was kind of like 'pimping our rides'. They'd have stuff like longer wheel forks, metal foot pedals, fore and aft suspensions, lights, and I'm not too sure what else. I was too poor for those things, so I had to be content with a set of neon yellow mudguards (ooh! bright and shiny!), which never seemed to actually work anyway. I still got mud sprayed onto the back of my shirt of wet days. Although, if you realised that the REAL function of those gaudy things were to attract attention...

After my family moved to a new place, I cycled around my new neighbourhood mostly to explore the place. I was still in boarding school then, so I felt it was important for me to catch up on geographical data that I sorely lacked about my new home whenever I came back for the holidays. I'd cycle all over, finding little pockets of shops, houses with exotic cars parked in them, small parks and gardens, big beautiful houses lavishly landscaped, houses with cute dogs. Of course, the occasional accidents still happened here, like the time I cycled straight into a low tree branch, but this time I mostly cycled alone so there was no one to either laugh at my predicament or help me get home. I'd traded companionship for freedom of direction during these later cycling excursions.

Alright, that last sentence just sent me on a tangent, and I need to record it before it blows away. Trading companionship for freedom. Is this a good trade? Is it worth it to go through life alone as long as you retain (more or less) absolute control of your life's direction? Is it worth it to link your fate inextricably to another's and face the possibility of not fulfilling your dreams due to values like "responsibility" and "honour" and "sacrifice"? Is it alright to put aside your selfish and wants and desires for the comfort and security that comes with having a special someone share your life? Would you trade your greatest ambition for the chance to share your smaller successes with the one you love? This sounds like something that deserves its own entry, so I'll leave it at that for now.

My free time these days are spent on "sophisticated" pursuits, like going out with friends, doing the MMORPG thing, going out for drinks (non-alcoholic - I can't hold my liquor), and playing all sorts of complex games. I just can't bring myself to drop those things for an evening just to grab the old bike, shift to low gear and ride up a hill just to coast down it again. To feel my muscles strain against gravity. To feel the blood pounding in my head. To feel the wind rushing past my face. To think about nothing apart from whether I should make a left turn here or go straight on down the road. Just for the heck of it.