This is the new year.

Alright. I'm eating crow. I'm going back on what I said a few weeks ago. I admit it. Stop hounding me already.

Last weekend, while I was slaving away on this as-yet unfinished freelance project in a hot and stuffy office, all alone, I noticed a stunning difference.

I'd stopped complaining. I had gotten used to it. It was like I didn't care anymore. It seemed as if I no longer minded working a few extra hours on weekends and holidays. Hmm.

At that juncture, I had a choice: I could REPENT, and decide to never work like this again, and preserve what I'd considered my steadfast principles....or leave the old perspective, let it die, and embrace the new opportunities that this new attitude and focus afforded me.

I took a look at last year and tried to pinpoint where my current principles and focus had led me. End result? Decent money, but I always felt I was a little short. I had a lot of free time, but I frittered most of it away on stuff that didn't really matter. I did not manage to find love as I had hoped, and activities that originated as hobbies became obsessions and started defining who I was. My goals of trying to be happy were not met. Instead, I was left indulging in multiple forms of escapism while waiting for THE BIG THING to happen. in hindsight, my intentions were noble, but what really disappointed me was the stuff I was doing in between.

For this year, I want things to change. I'm going to make money this year! I shall spend more of my time finding ways to increase my financial income. I will not neglect my hobbies and interests, I am merely scaling them back. I want to spend less time moping and being depressed and wistful; less time brooding and reflecting on memories. I want to be less dependent on others when it comes to the use of my time. I will even make slightly more effort to be a social animal! Im going to fucking travel too! Hahahahahahahaha.

This is the year I increase my nett (financial) value significantly. This is the year I make a little something more of myself, my way. This is the year I learn new things, meet new people, change perspectives, attitudes and views, and visit new places. This is hopefully the year I meet someone that.....you know.

So. This is the new year. New year, meet the new (and slightly improved) me. Nice to meet you, how do you do.

Music, direct from their throats (and strings) and straight into my ears.

Switchfoot is coming to town in a few more days!

I can't wait. I've been anticipating this for a month now. I've had tickets to the show for 3 weeks. I went out and bought their albums and have been listening to their songs regularly so that I can sing along during the performance. I made the effort to memorise the lyrics of the songs that I like very much, and to get the chorus down pat at least for the less-liked ones. I've been trying to predict which songs will make the cut.

The last time I went to a concert was a show by My Chemical Romance, last year. That was also my first time attending a rock concert. It totally blew my mind away. I was screaming and singing and bouncing up and down and pumping my fists in the air and waving them in time to the music. And all this under a light rain! I scream-sung for so long that I was hoarse near the end. I also managed to scare this girl next to me with my incessant scream-singing and jumping. She was so cowed that she sat down and eyed me nervously for the rest of the night. My sister later commented that she had gone deaf in one ear solely from the noise I was making beside her. But, you know. Whatever. I don't hear the other 3 thousand-odd spectators complaining.

The experience of a live rock concert is incredible. The lights, the music, the antics of the performers on stage all combine to create a sensory high that you can't get anywhere else. But what really gives the shows that critical mass is the audience. A thousand or more fans screaming and jumping and singing to the songs in unison....a thousand minds tuned in simultaneously to the same melody, being affected by the same lyrics, reacting in more or less the same ways....You could almost describe the whole thing as spiritual, at the risk of bordering on blasphemy. The fans are the acolytes, the band members are the servitors, and the singer is the fanatical archbishop who whips the followers into a screaming cacophony of praise to the gods of rock.

Don't knock it until you try it.

Pedal to the metal.

I discovered a new potential hobby a few weeks ago: go-karting. Yes, you read it right the first time. Go-karting. An old friend introduced me to the thingie, I decided that no one's going to miss me too much if I crash and burn, so I said what the heck.

Things I learned about karting:
1. The kart feels ridiculously fast even though I'm only hitting about 50km/h. This is because it has no cabin to speak of and no safety belts.
2. I finally got to use all those dangerous driving skills I picked up playing computer racing games.
3. Karting is expensive. It's like RM30 for 10 minutes.
4. Karting is crazy fun. Especially under slick conditions. Driving in the rain is recklessly exhilarating.
5. I need to learn how to restart a stalled kart. The stupid track monitors are too lazy to respond quickly to a stalled kart, and every minute that passes by is precious.
6. It is important to make sure that a moving kart NEVER runs over your foot. Ouch.
7. I may be the most reckless driver in the whole of karting history. My driving mates were avoiding me like the plague.
8. Buy your own freakin' helmet. Try your level best not to use the communal helmet. It is....unhygienic.

Daredevil stunts aside, I think that this extravagant hobby is something that I will take to, although not regularly. I may need to get my own helmet though.

VROOOOOOOOOOMMM.................wahahahahaha.

I'm not cut out for this shit.

It's the third Sunday in a row that I've been in the office half-heartedly working, all alone in a stuffy office with no air-conditioning and no windows.

I want to die.

But wait! you ask. What is yours truly putting in extra hours into a job he complains about continually? In truth, I am not. What happened was, I got sweet-talked by the devil himself into taking on a freelance job to earn a little extra cash. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean, I'm single and alone and waste most of my weekends lazing around anyway.

Unfortunately, I found out the hard way that I have little motivation, inclination and drive to do freelance work while also being gainfully employed. I just can't summon the enthusiasm. Coupled with the fact that I'm going to be late handing this in and that the devil is getting nervous with the impending deadline and me not showing much progress, you can get the pressure I'm under. In fact, today is the projected deadline I told him. So much for commitment, haha.

Obviously I am not that hard a worker as I thought. I promise myself to never do such a silly thing again. Whatever money I may make from this ill-fated endeavour may very well be blown away in a spending spree just to make up for the mental pain and suffering I'm under right now. Working on a Sunday! How stupid.

I need a new everything.

So, it's the new year. Supposedly time for resolutions, to try and make yourself a better person. So be it.

I resolve to be a more considerate person, to think more about the welfare of others.
I resolve to nurture a slightly better work ethic.

Alright, now that that unpleasant piece of business is over, I've realised that I'm running around with a lot of old and outdated gear. This includes college-era clothes, an old phone that is starting to develop problems, and lack of my own working computer. My athletic shoes are a shambles, I want new glasses and a more mature watch. I may need new loafers, or a pair of new sandals, of which I have not worn for at least a year (I love my hush puppies too much, poor loafers.) I want a kickass laptop, dammit.

Therefore, what better way to celebrate the trap of consumerism, of which many of us are willing captives, than by splurging on a new pair of headphones for my venerable iPod? I like my new headphones very much. They keep the music in, while keeping financial reality out. It's great.

The year in retrospect...

This is the last day of 2007. I felt it appropriate to take a brief look at all the significant stuff that happened to me over the year. Let's make a list!

- I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 4 years.
- I got myself a new job.
- I bought a new car.
- am now saddled with a loan. oh, joy.
- I had to move out of the house for a few months because my grandmother moved in, and she took up my room.
- I moved back in after she left.
- She proceeded to die a week ago.
- I effectively left my band due to various reasons.
- I got into a few new games(e.g. Heavy Gear) and temporarily lost interest in a few existing ones(Warhammer 40K).
- I read a lot more, bought more books.
- played a lot more World of Warcraft.
- started playing basketball again.
- had a few friendships cool off or die, for some very odd reasons that I still cannot fathom.
- made some new friends via basketball and World of Warcraft.
- an old friend who was living in Australia decided to return for good. yippee!
- got into Facebook. sigh. doomed.
- started blogging.
- computer died twice this year, taking all of my lovely data with it.
- bought an electric guitar. white elephant really.
- bought a second-hand ipod. truly awesome.
- bought a kick-ass jacket.
- bought a whole lot of CDs.
- got a credit card.

Right....so the list above doesn't look too good. Basically a series of unfortunate events, coupled with a lot of spending. I'm beginning to see how shopping therapy actually works. My verdict for this year: it sucked. It was mostly bad. I went through a series of minor depressions, realised that I don't really like my chosen career path, and have absolutely nothing to look forward to.

Here's to hoping the new year will be better, and not worse. Status quo would be quite horrible too.

You can't take it with you anyway.

My last surviving grandparent passed away yesterday. She was 80-ish, I don't know the details. May God find a nice place for her soul, wherever she's bound for. I'm not particularly sad. She had a good, long life.

Anyway, what I really want to write about here is the tangent my mind went off after turning to concept of death and mortality over and over in my head after a while. Specifically, I was thinking about wills and inheritances. I can understand the rationale behind such things, I just don't agree with them. Barring some very specific circumstances, I cannot understand why families would bicker over who gets what when the patriarch/matriarch leaves this mortal coil.

Reasons range from a sense of entitlement and what is "proper and appropriate", to wondering who the geezer loved more based on who got more loot, to just just plain greed and avarice. Frankly, I find it all utter bullshit.

I don't like the idea of segmenting whatever wealth I have to any hypothetical progeny I may sire when I finally bite it. I figure that I would have raised them up to be independent and stable, they shouldn't need anything from me after they're all grown up. I don't want the family fracturing over something as trivial as inheritances. Therefore, I plan to blow most of whatever retirement money I may have or give it away to charity when my time finally comes. The kids would get a few sentimental mementos and personal effects. Perhaps a little money, for very specific uses like education and whatnot, but nothing else. "Assets" like the house and other baloney will be sold off, the proceeds donated to whatever cause strikes my fancy before I kick the bucket. The argument "but I want to make sure that my children are taken care of when I die" is highly condescending and insulting. Do you really think they are so worthless that they would not be able to pull through life without your post-mortem assistance? And if they are....well who cares, you're already dead. They are no longer your problem.

Likewise, I have no problems if my parents decide to do the same thing, or give everything to my sisters and me nothing at all. It's their stuff, they get to choose what they want to do with it. I don't need their material wealth to make me happy. Fighting over any sort of inheritance is stupid, and the blame for any negative effects should be equally shared between the deceased and the squabbling siblings and God knows what other parties decide to lay claim to the booty.