I fear many things.

I fear the death of my parents. I am afraid of the day that I am unable to call on them, ask how they are doing, have dinner with them. I am afraid of not being able to tell them that I love them, that I care for them, that I am grateful for all they have done for me. I am terrified that I will not be able to gather the courage to ask them if they are proud of me before it is too late.

I fear the possibility of leading a solitary existence. I am afraid of going through life on my own. I cannot fathom not being able to talk about my insecurities and my worries with that special someone. I cannot imagine having no one to bear witness to my triumphs, my follies, through every step of life's journey. I find it painful to think that my concern and love for another is so worthless that it is unappreciated, discarded, goes unnoticed.

I fear that I am too blind to see my own character flaws. I fear that I am too selfish, or too critical, or judgemental, or too insensitive. I fear that I am too narrow-minded, or too proud, or too lazy. I am afraid that what I take for confidence is nothing more than an overly-inflated sense of self.

I fear that I may be fucking up my life with the way I view my career. I am afraid that my current goal of trying to be happy rather than rich is too unrealistic to sustain. I fear that the way I restrain my advances in order to maintain my sanity and freedom is nothing more than an excuse to be lazy and irresponsible.

I am afraid of living a life that bears no fruit. I am afraid that I will end up being just another parasite in society, that does not contribute in any sense, not even by having children who will end up being useful citizens. I am afraid of leaving this world without improving it in any meaningful way.

I fear diseases and disabilities. I do not wish to be a burden unto others.

I fear a loss of independence and freedom, no matter how it is brought about.

I fear death. I fear dying. I fear I will never be prepared for this eventuality.

I fear so many things that one wonders why I am not paralyzed by it. The answer is simple: I don't think about it. And yet the very act of not thinking about such things is what makes them so devastating when they finally manifest.